Can straight, Bible-believing Christian couples undermine marriage?

Erik Raymond wants us to think about this question:

Are Gay and Lesbians the only ones who undermine God’s plan for marriage?

The answer is, “Of course not!” Just because you are hetero-sexual does not mean that you are reflecting God’s plan for marriage. You don’t get a pass just on marriage because you are not Gay. The basis of a marriage reflecting God’s plan is how it reflects the gospel. In other words a marriage is reflective of God’s plan in so far as it reflects the marriage between Jesus the husband and the church the bride. . .

In so far as we do not love one another, blur roles, or deal unbiblically with sin—then we are undermining God’s plan for marriage. Far too many Christians are sharpshooters, adeptly able to pick off the various cultural perversions upon marriage without taking inventory of their own house. This does not mean that we should be silent until we have the perfect marriage, it just means that we should not act like we are all about God’s plan for marriage when we ourselves, are not. Because it vividly promotes the gospel, Christians are to passionately promote God’s plan for marriage, starting with our own.

Erik argues his premise well in his article Straight, Bible-Believing Christians Can Undermine God’s Plan for Marriage Too.

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Her husband trusts in her

Dr. Steve Lawson in a recent TableTalk article:

Few influences affect a man’s heart for God more than his wife, for better or for worse. She will either encourage his spiritual devotion to the Lord or she will hinder it. She will either enlarge his passion for God or she will pour cold water on it. What kind of wife encourages her husband’s spiritual growth? Proverbs 31:10–31 provides a profile of the wife who is worthy of her husband’s trust. Such a wife is the embodiment of true wisdom from God, causing the husband to confide in her with complete trust.

“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels” (v. 10). Such a good wife is hard to find. The word excellent (hayil) can mean “strength, capability, valor, or dignity.” This woman exemplifies each of these qualities, having great competence, noble character, and a strong commitment to God and her family. Only the Lord can provide such an excellent woman: “House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Prov. 19:14). “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (18:22). This virtuous woman is a priceless gift from God.

Is it any wonder that “the heart of her husband trusts in her” (v. 11)? The husband has faith in her because “she does him good and not harm all the days of her life” (v. 12). She brings her many strengths into their marriage, each one uniquely suited to complement his weaknesses. Her gifts immediately become his gains, and she provides much that causes him to trust her. . .

Keep reading “His Heart Trusts in Her”

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Marriage: expectations are dangerous unless. . .

Mark Altrogge addresses the common complaint, “My spouse isn’t meeting my needs.“

When we have an expectation that a husband or wife fulfill us, we set ourselves up for disappointment, because no human being can satisfy another human being.  To hope that another human can meet our needs is asking too much of anyone.  For only Jesus can meet our needs.  Only Jesus can satisfy us.  Only Jesus can fulfill all our desires.

Expectations are killers.

If you come into a marriage with expectations of the other person, and then they don’t meet those expectations, you will be frustrated and unhappy.  Expectations are dangerous and will always disappoint.  Unless you have expectations like these – I expect:

• That my spouse will fail in many ways.

• That my spouse will not fulfill my desires.

• That my spouse will not always try to please me.

• That my spouse may not always understand me.

• That my spouse may not always appreciate me.

• That my spouse may not love me in the way I would want.

If your spouse happens to actually appreciate, love or serve you, then praise God!  It will be unexpected.  The problem comes when we have expectations and then they aren’t met. Here are a few expectations you can cultivate though – of yourself:

• That I should serve my spouse and lay down my life for her/him.

• That I should seek to please my spouse.

• That I should try to listen to and understand my spouse.

• That I should seek to lay down my life for my spouse.

• That I should seek to fulfill his/her desires as best I can.

• That I should seek to love my spouse.

Here’s my suggestion: Don’t look at where your spouse needs to change.  Look to where you need to change.  Don’t have expectations of your spouse.  If you have expectations, place them on yourself.

If anyone has the right to have expectations of us it is Jesus.  Ask him what he would like you to do to please your spouse.  Ask him to help you and make you the biggest most cheerful servant in the house and not to worry about if anyone is serving you or not.

The rest of the article here.

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Don’t waste your wedding and what is love?

Here’s a unique site that features thoughts about proclaiming the gospel (the best news) on one of  the biggest days of your life–your wedding day.

And here’s a video that reminds us what marital love is all about:  be willing to not only die for each other but live for each other!  (Might want to get some tissues].

 

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Marital conflict is for your benefit

Barry York shares “A Helpful Marital Thought”

In Christian marriage two saints, who still have plenty of sin’s remnant clinging to them, form a lifelong union. This means then, with the baring of the soul’s wiring that marriage exposes, sparks are going to fly.  Marital conflict is inevitable.

So when the sea of anger begins rising, the emotional waves start rolling, and the marital boat is rocking, what is one immediate way to batten down the hatches to prevent the ship from capsizing?  Bring to mind that this conflict is for your benefit, to help you become more like Christ.  Remember that Jesus did not only speak peace and calm the sea for his scared disciples out in the boat in the storm.  Before this, while watching from a mountain above as He prayed, He sent the storm to them so they could grow in their holiness by experiencing Him in new ways.

In his book Renewal as a Way of Life, Richard Lovelace states that one great purpose of marriage is as “a contract to aid in one another’s sanctification.”  So all of marriage is God giving us one intimate friend, someone fashioned by God Himself to be our complement, who will see us like no other.  Your spouse becomes then, as Lovelace states, an expert in what is wrong with you.  You see, your husband or wife is designed by God to be the sandpaper to your bumps. Ouch!  But, viewed from God’s perspective, that is a good ouch.

There’s a bit more to this article here.

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An important key to a healthy marriage

Owen Strachan:

The single most important key to a strong marriage, it seems to me, is humble repentance. Sin is the fundamental problem of our marriages; humble repentance is the fundamental solution. What does this mean? It means that husbands and wives must train themselves to be experts in the art of saying “I was wrong. I hurt you. I get that. I am so sorry.” What a simple collection of words, but what a punch they pack.

It is surprisingly easy for even loving couples to get out of this habit. You hurt your spouse, and she lets you know as she should, but you don’t apologize. You skate over it. We all come to a moment on a regular basis when we arrive at a fork in the road: we can take one path and evade meaningful confession, or we can swallow our pride and take the route of humility. Whether you’re married or not, you know what I’m talking about. Taking the first path guarantees that things will get harder, that sin will calcify. Taking the second brings light into the marriage; the pressure releases, and it’s as if someone opened the blinds in a gloomy house. The light of the gospel shines again.

If the above has piqued your interest, read more here.

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Not that far away

“What we’ve learned is that most average marriages are only a few intentional choices away from becoming great. The problem is that most of us don’t make intentional choices, we just have good intentions. It’s not that we don’t have the desire for our marriage to change, it’s just we don’t make the commitment to the change we desire. . . . My guess is your marriage isn’t that far away from greatness. It is only a few intentional choices away. Good news: You can start today.”–Justin and Trisha Davis

Click here to read some suggestions for some practical ideas for strengthening your marriage today and plan to do a few of them this week.

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Five questions not to ask your husband

“Here are five questions a wife should never, in my opinion anyway, ask her husband. (And if you already have, I hope you just laugh at yourself now that I bring it up and not get mad at me),” writes Nancy Ann. She ends the article by suggesting five good questions for wives to ask their husband.

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A simple marriage reminder

HT: 52home

 

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A rerun worth seeing: a submissive wife

In a blog re-run, Paul Tautages refers to “an excellent booklet HELP! I Can’t Submit to My Husband, by biblical counselor Glenda Hotton who gives rock-solid counsel to wives. She explains how when a woman humbly submits to her husband in a godly manner, “it gives her freedom to become all that she desires and dreams of, because first she is submitting to the Lord.” The author then explains biblical submission by correcting six common ideas of submission.”

Here are the summary statements.  Submission is not:

1. Being a doormat
2. About who is superior
3. Being passive
4. Determined by who is right
5. A burden to be borne
6. A tool to use when a wife wants something.

Read all of it here.

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