Make those words count, Dad!

Crawford Loritts reflects on five lessons he learned from his father on how to speak so that your children take your words seriously:

1. Don’t waste words. Don’t add a lot of apologies or unnecessary detail that make you look timid.
2. Don’t threaten.
3. Be clear about expectations. When you tell someone, especially a child, how to behave or what to do, make sure you both are very clear about what you expect.
4. Be clear about consequences, particularly if your expectations involve an area with which that child has struggled in the past.
5. Take clear, decisive action. . . .

Say what you mean and back up your words with action. It’s a testimony to your integrity and an example your children will carry with them throughout their lives.

Never Walk Away, (Chicago: Moody, 1997), 96, emphasis mine (HT: DG)

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We talk too much

That’s the gist of Thabiti’s post on “Too Many Words” which begins like this:

“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent” (Prov. 10:19).

“Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool’s voice with many words.  … Let not your mouth lead you into sin, and do not say before the messenger that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands? For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity; but God is the one you must fear” (Eccl. 5:2-3, 6-7).

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20).

“Whoever restrains his words has knowledge,
and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding” (Prov. 17:27)

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits”(Prov. 18:21).

“How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water” (James 3:5b-12).

The Most Wise God’s best wisdom is “Be quiet.”  God speaks often of our need to be quiet.  Can there be any doubt that too many of us talk too much?  I know I do.  So I need this admonishment from the living word of God.  And as I survey the blogosphere today, I feel a deep sadness.  For I am a man of unclean lips who blogs among a people of unclean lips.  Not only unclean but constantly moving.

To be more precise, the lips don’t concern me.  The hearts do.  For out of the abundance of the heart, our mouths speak.

I think Thabiti is on to something here and he continues on clearly making his case for talking less! Keep reading

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If you have an opportunity today. . .

If you have an opportunity today to share the gospel, then. . . .share the gospel!

And though you may not be able to share the gospel with an unconverted sinner today, you can still speak words shaped by the gospel to all you connect with.

Here’s a prayer to to remind us to do that all the time.

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A prayer about wise, healing words

Scotty Smith:

Our prayer is simple yet ever so necessary and daily: grant us a greater gospel-stewardship of our words. As you speak to us, please speak through us, Lord Jesus. We are painfully aware that our words can bring great harm and death (Prov. 18:21). Indeed, if we’re not careful, our words can pillage the soft tissues of the heart like gangrene (Eph. 4:29). Forgive us, Lord Jesus, even as recent conversations come to mind in which we have brought unnecessary harm.

Read and use pray this for your speech today.

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When are we going to learn?

Bill Mounce asks a penetrating question after another young man leaves the ministry because of the devastating impact of. . . . . gossip.

“When are we going to learn? When are we going to preach Ephesians 4:29-5:5 and hold people to account? When will we view gossip and slander and criticalness as the dark and ugly sins that they are? While we do hold a few sins as really bad — I will let you fill in the blanks — I suspect that the sins of the mouth have done infinitely more damage to the cause of Christ than, say, adultery.”-

Convicting. .  .Read the rest of “Here We Go Again!”  and let’s all watch our tongues more carefully.

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God-focused speech

This last Sunday I exhorted us as a congregation to not let any corrupting communication come out of our mouths this week.  It’s a big challenge–one which allows us to stretch our faith and trust the promises of God and obey His commands in a critical area of our lives.

So I was encouraged to see Scotty Smith’s prayer regarding this very area as he meditates on the king’s speech.  Some great thoughts and expressions that we can pray this week in our pursuit of grace-filled talk.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:29-32

Dear Jesus, every sunrise inaugurates a day in which we’ll need the gospel and every sunset confirms the same. And there’s no other aspect of our lives which more boldly underscores our need for the gospel than our speech—the various ways we speak to one another and about one another.  Have mercy on us. Have mercy on me, King Jesus.

It’s only because you have spoken, and continue to speak, life giving words to us in the gospel that we have hope for change. Indeed, who are we that the King of glory would sayto us, “You are Mine—completely forgiven and enveloped in my righteousness. I know yourall of your sin and have made it my own. I know your weaknesses and enter them freely. I know your burdens and carry them gladly. I cannot love you more than I already do and I will never love you less. My desire is for you and I greatly delight in you. If you have ears to hear, I am constantly singing to you in the gospel. Listen, for I will quiet you with my love and change you by my grace. You are my beloved, now and forevermore.”

What but this gospel is powerful enough to free us from all gangrenous, “unwholesome” and destructive speaking? What but this gospel can evict from our hearts all bitterness, rage, brawling, slander malice?  What but this gospel can move us, quickly and deeply, to grieve the ways we grieve the Holy Spirit? What but this gospel can move us to study one another’s needs rather than rehearse one another’s failures? What but this gospel can fill our hearts with our King’s grace and fill our mouths with our King’s speech?

King Jesus, all day long you will be kind and compassionate to us, without a momentary lapse. We are humbled and gladdened. Please love and speak through us, to your glory and by your grace. So very Amen, we pray, in your merciful and mighty name.

 

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Words matter

Michael Hyatt: “Every day, we are shaping reality for someone by the words that we use with them. The choice is ours. How will our words impact others?

For more, read Michael’s article which relates how something said to him dominated his perception of himself for more than a decade.

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What’s the most dangerous thing you have?

“How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!  And the tongue is a fire . . . set on fire by hell.”  James 3:5-6

“James tells us that the tongue is the most dangerous thing we have. . . . We need to pray for help in this terrific battle against the danger of our own tongues.  It is my tongue and your tongue which can kindle a forest fire!”

Edith Schaeffer, Lifelines (Westchester, 1982), pages 188-189.

(HT: Ray Ortlund)

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Do you have trouble talking?

I am not “talking” about the ability to talk.  I am speaking of not speaking words of grace that build up and that are timely!  Do you have trouble obeying Ephesians 4:29?  Have the words of your mouth been acceptable in the sight of God your Redeemer this week?  Here are a number of audio resources compiled by Paul Schafer that will help you tame your tongue and win the war on words.  Remember it’s not really an issue of your  tongue, it is an issue of your heart!

Desiring God Ministries

• 2008 National Conference – The Power of Words and the Wonder of God
• Sermons on Speech

Shalom Church Singapore

• Tedd Tripp – God’s Talk, Our Talk series

Paul Tripp Ministries

• So What About Your Talk – Introduction
• So What About Your Talk – God’s Plan
• So What About Your Talk – God Speaks
• So What About Your Talk – People Speak
• So What About Your Talk – Satan Speaks
• So What About Your Talk – The Word in The Flesh
• So What About Your Talk – Idol Words
• So What About Your Talk – Time for a Change
• So What About Your Talk – Speaking for the King- Part 1
• So What About Your Talk – Speaking for the King- Part 2
• What It Sounds Like to Be Perfect – James 3:1-12

John MacArthur

• Taming the Tongue series
• Living the Risen Life series

Don Kistler

• The Christian Tongue series

See more here.

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A gift suggestion

Looking for that last minute gift selection? Want a gift that fits all occasions?  In fact, here’s a gift that you can keep on giving–and it doesn’t cost any money!

C. J. Mahaney offers this gift suggestion (for Christmas plus the other 364 days).

Christmas provides a wonderful opportunity to give gifts to those I love. I enjoy doing all I can to surprise them with a particular gift. I am sure you do as well.

But here’s what I’ve come to realize: too often I can put more thought into the gifts I buy them than I do the content of my conversations with them at Christmas. In fact the content of my conversation can be a gift of greater substance and of more enduring value.

By using words that are carefully and skillfully chosen, we can give the gift of grace to others. And Christmas provides us with many opportunities for conversations with a variety of friends and family. But are you prepared?

The Apostle Paul writes, “let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

This promise is stunning! By carefully choosing my words I can give grace to those I care for.

Yet as Charles Spurgeon once noted in a sermon, “I consider that one of the great lacks of the Church nowadays is not so much Christian preaching as Christian talking.” In fact, a preacher may invest more time in carefully thinking about the words he will use in one sermon than most of us will invest thinking about the words that will come from our lips all year.

And the result is that we often waste our words. Corrupt talk is a daily temptation. Rarely do we consider the decay that we spread through our speech. And rarely do we consider the grace-giving potential of our speech. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21).

So what words fit a particular occasion? Consideration for one we are conversing with must inform our words. So before I speak I must observe and listen. I must ask questions. I must take an interest in them.

• If they are Christians, are there evidences of grace I can draw their attention to?
• If they are not Christians, are there evidences of common grace in their life?
• Is this person experiencing prosperity?
• Or is this person experiencing adversity?
• If they are suffering I want to give them comforting grace through my words.
• If they are weary, I want to give them sustaining grace through my words.
• And to all, when and where appropriate, I want to share the gospel, for that is the most effective way to give grace through my words.

So here is my point. Buying the appropriate Christmas gift for someone requires that we know and study them. But this is no less true of our conversations.

So as you consider certain individuals, and seek to buy meaningful gifts for them, also consider how you can give them grace through your words.

So, stop right now and determine to give three people this gift by Sunday!  Who will give it to you?  What will you say?

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